Vibe Check Practice

“Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face everyday are not optional.”

– Brené Brown (Daring Greatly)

Recently, I have started on this book, Daring Greatly, and I really liked what was mentioned above. Vulnerability exists and it is how we engage with it. How many of us are willing to engage with it, talk to it and face it squarely? The level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.

I would like to explore more on vulnerability/ vulnerabilities and how we can embrace it to make us an emotionally stronger person.

Vulnerability

The word Vulnerable is derived from the Latin noun vulnus (“wound”). Vulnerable originally meant “capable of being physically wounded” or having the “power to wound”.

In my perspective, in life, a lot of things are a matter of choice. We do have a choice to our feelings and that includes choosing to be vulnerable. Just like the original meaning of “vulnerable”, we have the power of choice to wound and we are capable of being wounded. Choosing to be vulnerable also mean that we can tolerate the feelings below:

1. Shame
2. Helplessness
3. Sadness
4. Anger
5. Embarrassment
6. Disappointment
7. Frustration

Conscious vulnerability

By expressing ourselves, in all ways, we are consciously and deliberately being vulnerable. When we share important elements of our personal history, it requires conscious vulnerability and when we do that, it helps us to develop deeper emotional connections and greater intimacy with others. Hence, there is this saying that go “you are at your greatest emotional strength when you make a choice to be vulnerable”.

Unconscious vulnerability

According to Psychology Today, non-conscious vulnerability is tied to the notion that we are all vulnerable all of the time. We are not in control of it and it functions without our attention. We generally try to keep this type of vulnerability out of our awareness but this also means everyone experiences vulnerability because it is always present for everyone.

When we encounter events and experiences in life, the hurt we feel when we are going through such experiences can intensify and magnify the feelings of vulnerability. Especially when we are going through sudden, unexpected or traumatic events. Even if we are not exposed to them in real life and just merely watching it on screen, this exposure heightens our awareness of our own vulnerability.

Thus, collective influences from news, social media and instability in life results in a heightened sense of vulnerability in us, making our unconscious vulnerability now conscious and not only are we feeling more vulnerable but the awareness of this vulnerability has also increased.

Beauty of Engagement

I liked how Brené Brown described how many people often spend their lives waiting till we are perfect  or bulletproof before we walk into the arena. Many times we are captured by how feeling safe is and we would rather stay in our comfortable little bubble rather than stepping out into the arena – making a new relationship/ having a difficult conversation. However, if we are always sitting at the side-lines instead of being in the arena itself, how many relationships and opportunities have we sacrificed?

We need to DARE to show up and let ourselves be seen and that is vulnerability.

Does being vulnerable show that we are weak and put our imperfections on show?

This is where it shows that we are afraid of being shamed. But, being vulnerable is showing up and be seen. These 2 crosses path. As we are conscious of what people view us, we end up hustling for our worthiness than standing in it.

Nobody is perfect. Even superheroes – Superman has kryptonites, Aquaman needs water and Shazam reverts back by saying his own name. Pefectionism is something we often lug around and this weighs us down. We think that it will protect us and shield us, in fact, it prevents us from being seen. Perfectionism is not the way to avoid shame. It is a form of shame. When we struggle with it, we struggle with shame.

Embracing and stepping out

1. What is keeping us out of our arena?
2. Why do we want to be braver?
3. What is our current armour – that is protecting us from vulnerability?

In essence,

I will go first! I struggle with people’s perceptions on myself. This takes a big role in my life and the shame and embarrassment associated with it keeps me out of my arena. It’s definitely easy to say “why bother about what others think about you” but how easy is it really to live without thinking about that?

I hope to lose this fear that controls me, causing me to miss out on opportunities in life and avoiding situations or difficult conversations just so that I could be the “normal and perfect” one, the person that didn’t make a spectacle of herself infront of others and didn’t cause awkward moments.

I’m a work in progress and I can see my small signals of growth over the years. I also think this is how confidence works; by celebrating this small little growth, it pushes us to go forward even more. Just like yoga, we try to stretch a little more but not to the point of too much discomfort, day by day, we grow to be more flexible! Lastly, my armour from vulnerability is avoiding or asking others to take on difficult conversations – avoidance.

Now, it’s your turn, what are your answers to the 3 questions? Be honest to yourself and you are a step away from being a stronger version of yourself~

Corlissa Seah, Counsellor & Founder of Vibe Check Practice
Providing online therapy to support mental health and well-being

Book an appointment with us using this link!